Dear working mom,
Hi, I’ve been wanting to write you a letter for a while. You see, we stay at home moms (and work from home moms) keep getting letters from you and I thought you deserved a response.
The last letter I read from you was about a week or two ago and it has been on my mind ever since.
Here are a couple things I want you to understand:
1. SAHMs who say inconsiderate things to you like “I could never leave my kids to work” or “how do you do it?” are often feeling very judged by society and their way of trying to compensate sometimes is passing that judgement back to you. No one ever says “oh you are just a nurse?” or “oh…you are an office manager” in those condescending tones used by people when they say “oh you stay at home with your kids?” or “oh ya, that is the hardest job right?”
Yes, you feel judged by us but we also feel extremely judged.
2. I know sometimes it looks like we have it made in the shade but remember when you have your adult conversations at work (even if you feel like your coworkers are children) that we are often longing for an adult to talk to for just a second someone who won’t talk back or hit or whine (although in all honesty a lot of adults do 2 of those three things daily). So when we have play dates or whatever it is often just an attempt at keeping our sanity until bed time.
3. I am not complaining and stay at home moms should never complain because despite the frustrations we may feel, being able to stay at home with our children is a huge privilege that some of you (especially you single moms) do not have. We value that (most days) and even though some of us may make you feel bad we often look up to you.
4. For some of you it isn’t a choice, you have to work. (I am talking mostly about you single moms, or wives of husbands who have been laid off, haven’t been able to find a job or are in ministry or injured or anything like that. ) But some of you do have a choice, you have made the choice that you feel is right for your family. That is the same thing we did.
5. We as moms (all moms) already have so many people judging us. We have judgment coming from almost every direction. “oh you don’t let your kids have sugar? That is stupid and mean.”, “oh you DO let them have sugar, that isn’t healthy!“, “oh you vaccinate?“, “You DON”T vaccinate?” the list goes on and on and on. We don’t need to be judging each other for choosing to stay home or be a working mom.
In the end there is just so many more important things we could be doing that laying guilt trips on each other all the time for making the choices we feel are right for our families. In the end the only person who will answer for our choices is us and if we are focusing on the Lord and keeping him in our decisions then who is another mom to judge you for it?
SO working moms, know that we support you. We appreciate what you do for your children and so do they. We do not judge you, and next time a mom makes you feel judged just keep in mind that she is probably feeling very judged and frazzled herself and is making the mistake of putting that on you. Pray for her and try not to hate her.
All of us, as parents, have the hardest job in the world. We are shaping the world. It is scary and wonderful and we can all use all the support we can get from each other.
An at home mom