a letter to working moms

Dear working mom,

Hi, I’ve been wanting to write you a letter for a while. You see, we stay at home moms (and work from home moms) keep getting letters from you and I thought you deserved a response.

The last letter I read from you was about a week or two ago and it has been on my mind ever since.

Here are a couple things I want you to understand:

1. SAHMs who say inconsiderate things to you like “I could never leave my kids to work” or “how do you do it?” are often feeling very judged by society and their way of trying to compensate sometimes is passing that judgement back to you. No one ever says “oh you are just a nurse?” or “oh…you are an office manager” in those condescending tones used by people when they say “oh you stay at home with your kids?” or “oh ya, that is the hardest job right?”

Yes, you feel judged by us but we also feel extremely judged.

2. I know sometimes it looks like we have it made in the shade but remember when you have your adult conversations at work (even if you feel like your coworkers are children) that we are often longing for an adult to talk to for just a second someone who won’t talk back or hit or whine (although in all honesty a lot of adults do 2 of those three things daily). So when we have play dates or whatever it is often just an attempt at keeping our sanity until bed time.

3. I am not complaining and stay at home moms should never complain because despite the frustrations we may feel, being able to stay at home with our children is a huge privilege that some of you (especially you single moms) do not have. We value that (most days) and even though some of us may make you feel bad we often look up to you.

4. For some of you it isn’t a choice, you have to work. (I am talking mostly about you single moms, or wives of husbands who have been laid off, haven’t been able to find a job or are in ministry or injured or anything like that. ) But some of you do have a choice, you have made the choice that you feel is right for your family. That is the same thing we did. 

5. We as moms (all moms) already have so many people judging us. We have judgment coming from almost every direction. “oh you don’t let your kids have sugar? That is stupid and mean.”, “oh you DO let them have sugar, that isn’t healthy!“, “oh you vaccinate?“, “You DON”T vaccinate?” the list goes on and on and on. We don’t need to be judging each other for choosing to stay home or be a working mom.

In the end there is just so many more important things we could be doing that laying guilt trips on each other all the time for making the choices we feel are right for our families. In the end the only person who will answer for our choices is us and if we are focusing on the Lord and keeping him in our decisions then who is another mom to judge you for it?

SO working moms, know that we support you. We appreciate what you do for your children and so do they. We do not judge you, and next time a mom makes you feel judged just keep in mind that she is probably feeling very judged and frazzled herself and is making the mistake of putting that on you. Pray for her and try not to hate her. 

All of us, as parents, have the hardest job in the world. We are shaping the world. It is scary and wonderful and we can all use all the support we can get from each other.

Love from,

An at home mom

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12 thoughts on “a letter to working moms

  1. 4grace2blog

    So true! We should not criticize or judge “working moms”. But, I complete relate to the feelings of feeling like a 2nd class citizen because I SAH. Obviously, I never went to college and have never worked a stressful full-time job. Not true!

    Yes…this is my choice to stay at home…and I would miss my babies like crazy if I worked…but I do spend so many days staring out the window at fully dressed, professional mommies busily having “places to go and people to see” and I greatly struggle within. 🙂

    Reply
  2. Alanna

    I fantasize about being a housewife – my kids are all in school now so I don’t know if I’d really hold the title of SAHM if I didn’t work. The grass is always greener, right??!

    This is a lovely post – thank you for sharing it…even the nicest people in the world need a reminder that every situation has both it’s trials and it’s victories.

    Reply
  3. Candi

    Women should not be mean to women. We need each other. The older I get the more I am fascinated by this aspect of women. Pick a topic, and women will gather with their friends, on the sides they believe in, and throw stones at the other side.

    I live in a small town. I am an outsider. I have only lived here 13 years. The women born and bred here, own things here. They are so nice to you. Then they huddle together and pick you apart. The only thing – there is always someone in the group that will tell you. And, while they tell you what was said about you, they say something about the others in the group.

    I find this fascinating.

    I can tell you something I admire about each one of them. The fact that they may talk about me does not bother me. I believe people love to talk about what they don’t understand. I am completely okay with that. I do not find it necessary to explain myself. But the sad part, the truly sad part, is the back-biting among themselves. These ladies grew up together. They are each other’s closest friends.

    This may seem off-topic, but I am just saying – there is a large population of women that just must not be happy. The only way they deal with it is too make others miserable. Wouldn’t it just be nicer to be able to need and count on each other? To let each other be what they want to be? To know that you don’t walk in anyone else’s shoes, but your own?

    Reply
    1. my2monsters Post author

      It isn’t really off topic, just a side trail and so right. I wrote a post a while back about gossip.
      We often forget that there are very few things that God says he actually hates and gossip is one of them.

      “There are six things that the Lord hates,
      even seven things that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
      and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans,
      feet that are swift to run to evil, a false witness who pours out lies,
      and a person who spreads discord among family members.” Proverbs 6:16-19

      Reply
  4. Shannon

    This is a great letter and very well rounded. I think, like you said the problem is that instead of uniting as a community people are always judging, making everyone else feel bad. Then we become insecure and continue the cycle of putting each other down to make ourselves feel better. I say we should life each other up and work together since we are the lucky moms that have access to a whole cyber community of support our parents didn’t have. Sadly, it doesn’t seem to work that way. Cheers.

    Reply
    1. my2monsters Post author

      Thanks for your comment Shannon. Yes our cyber community has so many amazing advantages but also so many ways of making us feel even more insecure and inadequate.

      Reply
  5. Suzanne S.

    I’m a working mom, and I agree completely that instead of judging, moms gotta unite! Being a mom is the hardest job in the world, and there isn’t a job I could love more in the world. Both the roles of the SAHM’s and the working moms come with their own unique difficulties, but promoting compassion for each other instead of judging whose got it better or worse can empower all mommies of the world.

    Reply

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